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Fuck your fucking moany and drink this nice negroni -
Hate plate to cover a minor diy disaster
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I really regret the seventh espresso martini
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I only came to flirt with your mother
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Don't you dare expect me to commit to the lavish and overly ambitious Sunday plans we made on a rosé soaked Saturday
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Just stop. There are more than enough cushions
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No worries if not I'll just check your stories to see if you're doing what you said you'd be doing
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Oh Christ. Not another achingly dull still life involving some fucking flowers and fruit
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Oh stop. You are not an interior designer
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Sorry but no one gives a flying fuck that you are taking an instagram break
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Sorry, no chance of fucking tonight as regrettably, I am full of Wetherspoons curry club
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Please tell the guests to fucking vamoosh
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Sorry Darling, there were no sodding Shrigleys left, so I got you this
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Sorry but I need to wait at least 4 hours to reply to make it appear I am terribly busy
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We only stayed as we heard you were finally getting a round in (you cheapskate bastard)
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Rather pretty shitty vase for pretty shitty flowers
